new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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