That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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