Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
