i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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