I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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