dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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