Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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