i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
