I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
