your thong is hanging out like whoa
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
