My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I checked into jail on foursquare
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
