Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
