Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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