I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
