And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pants are for mortals
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
