You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
