i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
