So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it because I queefed?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
