Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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