I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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