So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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