Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
