can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
