the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
