We're like a lot better than the average bears
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
