Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
