Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
