Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
