I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
