I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want to be your penis for a week.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
