Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
