i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
