Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
