Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
