Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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