my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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