how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pants are for mortals
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