Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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