her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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