Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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