Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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