so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
