tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
