the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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