whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
