You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize