no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
