so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sober January is a disaster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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