ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
