I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
