He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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