oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
