your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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