She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
