3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
