He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
