I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
