I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
