just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
