Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
