Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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