in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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