No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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