I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
