I just pynch a tree in the face
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
