I'm really into asian looking animals
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
