found the other keg... it's in the tree
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
