Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
