Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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