It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
where are my eyebrows?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
