Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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