ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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